he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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