Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
