Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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