i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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