If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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