we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
