Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
