The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
