Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
