Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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