You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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