The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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