Do you still have your period?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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