oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
