I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
