he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
