I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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