I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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