does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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