We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
