maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I cut my penus on the lid.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
