I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize