He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize