9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just invented taco cereal.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
