me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
