I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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