there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
handjob tips. give me some.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
