I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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