I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
