pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
