so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
