it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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