My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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