This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
