Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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