New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize