have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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