oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize