The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
