Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
