Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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