I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
