I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
