I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
