My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
