i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
