Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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