Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
