I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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