So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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