This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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