I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
