Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
