He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
