all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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