Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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