i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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