Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
