and you said cock pushups were impossible
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
