Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
