grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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