Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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