trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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