She said her name was "party"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize