I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
