I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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